New Fears Deeper Faith

A couple of years ago I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane to celebrate a friend’s 40th birthday. Needless to say, it was both exciting and terrifying. It was a tandem skydive, so I was harnessed to a trained instructor. Yes I had a choice. I certainly was not forced to jump. But I chose to trust the experienced, certified instructor to whom I was attached for the jump.

Sometimes life is like that skydive.

A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have gone through the range of emotions. From ominous feelings of depression, through almost overwhelming anxiety, to complete peace. Tomorrow morning I will have a second surgery, to remove both breasts and reconstruct new ones using my own abdominal tissue (bilateral mastectomy with DIEP Flap reconstruction). This past week, I found myself living in anxiety, constantly trying to process it all, second guessing every decision, and generally feeling irritated and impatient. Yes, I know God’s got this, He is in control, and He is good. I know His promises. I believe His promises. And it is this faith, deep down, that calms my fears. This faith gives me a security I could never find outside of my Creator. But, faith does not exempt me from physical suffering, nor shield me from disappointments. In this world you will have trouble (John 16:33). This I know. My faith provides a firm foundation upon which I stand through life’s troubles, through suffering and disappointments. So in the midst of trouble, I can face fear with unwavering faith.

Sometimes life is like that skydive.

Sometimes we have to do life afraid.

My fears in the past have always been about making the right choices … what God wants me to do, where He wants me to go, who He wants me to minister to, etc. But after being diagnosed with breast cancer, for the first time in my life I am facing a physical fear regarding my own health. I have always been the healthy caretaker, never the one needing care. I’m now scheduled for a major surgery and I have to admit this week I’ve been scared. I would love to cancel and bury my head in the sand, but I am reminding myself God is there, and He WILL be glorified in this – especially in how I handle my fear. That is what others need to see. Faith in the face of fear. He is Good – no matter the outcome.

Sometimes life is like that.

Sometimes we have to do life afraid.

We jump trusting in Whom we are attached.

As a child of God, I am attached to much more than an experienced, certified instructor. I am attached to the One who created all things and sustains all life. I know I can trust the One to whom I am attached … so I jump.
Even if I am jumping afraid.