1. Evidently I am capable of crying at most inconvenient times.
I think I am keeping it all together. I know I have access to God’s immovable strength. So why am I so often reduced to an insecure puddle of tears? Yes. I am afraid. And it is ok.
2. Don’t ignore the elephant in room.
Say something. Acknowledge what I am thinking about anyway … that I have breast cancer. Saying almost anything is better than ignoring it. When it’s not acknowledged I second guess myself … I wonder if I am making a bigger deal out of this than I should be. I wonder if it all really matters, if I really matter.
3. My own vulnerability is very uncomfortable.
Admitting that I am afraid, that I can’t do this alone, that my dreams have been shaken … well, it’s just hard. I want a plan. And I want that plan to progress as expected. But my plans have been shaken up. It’s inconvenient. It’s disrespectful. And it just kind-of stinks.
4. My family is stronger than I ever expected … and they really, really love me.
I was really concerned about how my kids were going to deal with this. But guess what? They are strong! I know they are afraid, I know they don’t understand it all (newsflash: neither do I!), but
I have been completely overwhelmed by their strength. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me, they all have strong faith in our awesome God. I know that’s where their strength is coming from, but it’s so amazing to watch. I have been completely overwhelmed by the strength, and love, my family and friends have shown.
5. Trust what and I know to be True.
Whether I am feeling vulnerable and insecure, dissolving into a puddle of tears, swallowing my emotions to stay strong, or being overwhelmed by the love and support of family and friends … I will trust the only One Who is Truth and Who is my Rock. He is the only Truth that will outlast all medical opinions, every alternative treatment, any emotion, every insecurity, and all tears. God’s promises are true. His faithfulness is priceless. I may be shaken. I may be vulnerable. I may even be afraid. But I will not be moved. I have faith in a good God, Who loves me beyond imagination, and has a good plan for me – which in some way yet to be seen, includes this bump in the road, this fight against breast cancer. I will not just endure, but will praise Him through it all, and watch how He uses it for His glory.
10 Comments
Sandy Hamilton
I wish you love every day. The future’s so bright we’re going to need shades! We have this hope……
Lori Behrens
Thank you Sandy! Looking for my shades now
Vicki Eaton
You have a great opportunity to witness to many women and their families by your strength and faithfulness in our Lord, And yet in your expressions of human weaknesses there is a connection felt by us all. It is that bond that holds us together as sisters in Christ. Keep being real and keep writing and many will be blessed.
Lori Behrens
Thank you Vicki. Sometimes I feel I write too transparent, so that really encourages me. Hugs!
Robin Rager
Prayers continue..God is good and you are going to be great! I just know it…much love..
Lori Behrens
Thank you Robin! I know in my head all will be fine, but my emotions don’t always follow their Leader 👣 Maybe someone will read this and know they are not alone AND God is our hope!
Shirley L Doherty
Beautiful in its transparency, Lori. You are greatly loved
Lori Behrens
Thank you Shirley! I most certainly feel loved and prayed for!
Lisa Meyer
Oh sweetie, how beautiful, inspiring, heartbreaking, and honest. I love you more than you will ever know, my sweet baby Sis who grew up to be the best Mom, most loyal wife, and most incredible sister I could’ve ever dreamed of! I too, can burst into tears at any moment. Mostly, I just don’t want to think you are scared, worried, or ever in danger! I don’t want your sweet children and Steve to go through fears and anxiety either. I want to fix it. And I can’t. I can, however, be there to hold your hand, to offer you and Steve and the kids my love and support. I can go get groceries, bring you dinner, or just read you a story, like Mom used to do. I am inspired by your strength, and we will all come through this holding fast to our faith and the great love God has for us and we have for each other! I LOVE YOU FOREVER, my beautiful insode-and-out SIS! 💚🕯😙👱
Lori Behrens
Thanks sweetie! I know all will be fine. Just those thought that run through my head. 🤗